Anyway, that chapter in my life has closed and I’ve been sitting around wondering what the “Next Big Thing” is going to be. (My mother’s suggestion is to get pregnant, but… well… I’m not sure I’m ready for THAT yet.)

The “Next Big Thing” has never been something I’ve had to go look for… it usually pounces on me when I’m least expecting it. The “NBT” took me took me away to drama boarding school for my senior year, much to the dismay of my mother. It brought me to NY with my boyfriend and my best friend after they voted down my suggestion to move to the West Coast. (Thank goodness for small miracles.) It got me married, to Egypt, through a series of medical emergencies with my husband, and divorced.

So, now, I’m waiting for it to pounce again. When it does, I’ll let you know.

While I’m waiting, though, I figured it would be good to get some work done. So, here’s what I’ve been working on:

A series of digital art images. (These were done some time ago, but the file I’m currently working on will be a gift, so I can’t unveil it yet!)

Crochet. Just taught myself to crochet from a book. The process is very Zen and balances out my military gym training fairly well.

Writing letters. I write about 6 letters every month to several people. If you think writing or receiving a letter is just like email… sit down and write one. It’s a very different experience.

The “Next Big Thing” is bound to strike sooner or later, but, the older I get, the more I need to fill the time between producing something. Even if it’s as small as a vector silhouette, a crocheted bookmark, or a handwritten letter. It doesn’t have to be a masterpiece. It just has to be something that exists because I created it…

Productivity matters.

I know mine pretty intimately. The most vocal one has been around for a long time. He’s not the scariest or most intimidating sort of fellow. He’s actually pretty chill. A little too chill.

He’s the one that is always asking: “Does it really matter? What you are doing right now… does it matter?”

He pops up in all sorts of situations. When I’m cleaning the house: “Does it matter if you sweep under the bed? No one’s going to see it anyway.” During my workout: “What does it matter if you do 10 push-ups instead of 20? You know you’ll never be an Olympian.” While I’m trying to figure out what to do with the rest of my life: “Come on. In the grand scheme of things, do you actually think you’ll ever do anything that really matters? Who do you think you are?”

He’s hard to ignore in the best of times. And, let’s face it… these aren’t the best of times. I’m worried about money. I’m just not making enough right now. I, my friends, and my family are worried about the economy AND the environment. What sort of future are we looking at? Some days it looks really bleak! His voice is getting louder and the more I ignore it, the more his sentences resound through my head.

“Does it really matter? What you are doing right now… does it matter? With all the people who have come before you and all the people who will come after you… In the timeline of eons stretching way back into the past and far into the future… To the billions of people living right now… will it matter? Hmph. Probably Not.”

So, since ignoring him doesn’t seem to be working, I’m just going to start outright arguing with him. I concede to his observances far too easily these days. I’m sick of this guy. YES! Stuff matters! Kapow!

The thing is, the stuff that matters to me isn’t necessarily noble or philanthropic. I mean some of it might be, (peace in the Middle East for example), but it’s all mixed up in this stew of other stuff that may not matter to everyone else. It’s MY stuff and, well… why would it matter if you knew what mattered to me? (See what I mean?!) But, I’m failing at fighting the good fight quietly in my head. So, if you don’t mind, I’m going to start doing it loudly right here. In all of my future posts, I’m just going to declare what matters to me at the moment. Like this:

Sweeping up the dust bunnies matters.

Drawing every day matters.

Moisturizing matters.

That was just three off the top of my head. I’ll probably keep it to one per post. The declaration may tie-in with the post. It may not. It may seem wildly off topic. It may not make much sense to you. It may seem absurd that I actually have to say it “out loud”.  You may agree with it. You may not agree with it.

What matters is that you are here to read it. Yes, that matters.

Kapow.

I casually mentioned Brian Greene in a recent post and realized afterward that I should take a moment to not-so-casually recommend that you look him up. His work is amazing! String theory… amazing! Supersymmetry… amazing! Yes, ok, I’m geeking out, but I just get so excited by the possibilities that physicists pursue.

And can I just take a second to point out that I am an artist. I’m not a mathmetician. I’m not an astronomer. I have a very hard time wrapping my brain around some of these theories. So, before you get daunted by the word physics, take a look this Nova special called The Elegant Universe. (It’s broken into small segments, so you don’t have to watch it all at once!)

It connects the dots from Newton‘s Laws of Gravity to modern theories of extra dimensions. (Maybe even 11 dimensions! Can you imagine?) Who knows if these ideas will pan out, but it certainly is mind-blowing to conceptualize the possibilities.

(Or you can read the book! Click on the image above for for the Amazon link.)

So I’ve been sick these past few days, which has essentially rendered me useless on the couch most of the time. My mind hasn’t been able to handle anything more sophisticated than American Idol or Survivor. Yet unfortunately for me, I do have a modicum of taste, weeding out the abundance of trash programs like Tough Love and E’s 10 Hottest Cougars.

So what’s a girl to do for entertainment?

Well, one of the things that’s been successful at holding my attention is this website called Oddee. It’s a blog that features interesting slideshows on all kinds of different topics. The perfect entertainment that doesn’t require too much brainpower, yet doesn’t make you embarrassed to be part of the human race either.

Nice!

Check it out if you haven’t already. It’s great for procrastination too!

http://www.oddee.com/

]]> http://playtank.wordpress.com/2009/05/12/oddee/feed/ 1 Playtank-Jam Oddee2 http://playtank.wordpress.com/2009/05/07/sexy-uglies/ http://playtank.wordpress.com/2009/05/07/sexy-uglies/#comments Thu, 07 May 2009 19:19:36 +0000 Playtank-Joj http://playtank.wordpress.com/?p=534 ]]> Ah, Spring is in the air. You know what that means… pheromones, mating calls, showy ornaments. (The streets of New York can be so entertaining this time of year!)

So, in honor of the season, I present one of the most beautiful sexual engagements from one of Nature’s ugliest creatures: The Leopard Slug.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with Martha Beck, she is one of the greatest, sharpest, most entertaining writers and life coaches out there. In fact, don’t take my word for it. Take Oprah’s, who calls her “one of the smartest women I know.” And when Oprah says so, you know it must be true:)

I first became acquainted with Martha Beck through her memoir “Expecting Adam”. It’s a hilarious and heartwrenching autobiography about her journey of finding out that she was pregnant with a baby with Down Syndrome, her decision to keep it, and how it blew open her life in all sorts of unexpected and magical ways.

Since recounting her experiences, she’s gone on to write several books on personal development, mainly centering around finding your true path in life, has developed a highly successful life coaching brand (which includes the training of new coaches in her methods), and is a monthly contributor to O Magazine.

Every month I look forward to her easily digestible, yet profound advise and insights. This month, an article I really enjoyed was reprinted on the CNN website. And I thought it would be a great opportunity to share it with all of you, since out of all topics, it’s about having a powerful attitude about money. And who couldn’t use one of those these days.

Read, enjoy, and apply if you dare! And if you do, let me know what your experience is being a “jitter” instead of a “jiccer”.

Curious yet?

http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/04/21/o.when.to.say.enough/index.html?iref=newssearch

My hard drive died last week.

Hmmm… how many of you have had a hard drive die? Or a virus corrupt your system? Or a mysterious freeze lock up function altogether?

Somewhat distressing, isn’t it?

All of the sudden, I couldn’t access my email. I couldn’t check the weather, watch episodes of Firefly on Hulu, pay my bills online, or look up Prof. Brian Greene’s explanations of string theory. ARGH!

I cursed the universe for a few minutes, booked an appointment with the Genius Bar, and found myself asking… now what?

And then a weird thing happened. I had a distinct experience of freedom. My tether to the virtual universe had been severed and I felt… well, honestly, I felt happier. I know! Weird, right?! I intellectually think of the internet as a source of freedom: the ability to research any subject any time, the space to make myself known in blogs and on social networks, the lightening fast connection to people on the other side of the world through services like Skype and MSN Messenger.

And yet, there’s always this strange “tractor beam” feeling that exists between me and my laptop. A constant pull at the fringe of my consciousness. A little voice in my head that is always saying, “What do you think is in your inbox now?” Inevitably, I resist that voice for as long as I can and then I stop what I’m doing and I go to see if I have any new mail. (Am I alone in this constant need to binge on technological missives?)

All in all, I was without my computer for 4 days, (I did have internet access during the workday, however), and it was 4 days of heightened peacefulness. I cooked. I wrote letters. I took walks in my neighborhood. All without that “tractor beam” tug emanating from my computer desk.

Most schools of thought proclaim that fasting is good for the body and soul. I’m inclined to think that a technology fast, (thank you to JTL for the idea), may be a good practice to engage in from time to time. But, could I enforce that kind of fast on my own? Without the disruption of a failed hard drive? Can I deny that need for instant intellectual gratification for an extended period of time?

Can you? And, if so, how would you go about it?

He’s no Mozart, but I guess he had a wider set of restrictions in his composition choices. 

In tribute to people who can’t help turning lemons into lemonade, here’s a little article I found on CNN this morning, about a man’s creative efforts to understand the Swine Flu from a different perspective:

http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/04/29/swine.flu.song.music/index.html

Picture taken from original CNN article

When it comes to issues like the environment and world hunger and problems of that magnitude, I always feel a little bit lost. Like, what could I, one measly little human being, possibly do that could make even a semblance of a difference? (Method wipes and Sigg bottles don’t count.)

Well, that defeatist attitude just got pleasantly dented when I saw this CNN article about a regular Dad, who, in the process of helping his daughters with a science project, inadvertently created a cheap, simple construct that has the potential of saving millions of lives and trees worldwide:

http://www.cnn.com/2009/TECH/04/09/solar.oven.global.warming/index.html

It made me wonder what, with a little dose of outside-the-box thinking, might be possible for some of those issues we tend to secretly file under “too massive to solve”.

I know you’ve had those weeks.

And so it’s been hard to come up with posts that cheer me up. Even though I know I must be surrounded by all sorts of delightful and wonderful scenes and tidbits of information, my mind in a state like this just won’t pick up on them. It’s like it has selective eye-sight for only the dreary, the depressing, and the totally desperate.

So what do you do in a case like that? Well, it depends. Sometimes I do nothing. Sometimes I just wallow in my misery, and kick and scream about how awful it all is, and bark at anyone who has the gall – the gall! – to suggest that maybe, perhaps, things aren’t so bad, and there’s light at the end of the tunnel.

And sometimes, I really want out. Sometimes I’m really not interested in suffering. And it’s in those times that I lean on this technique, invented and developed by a phenomenal self-help guru called Byron Katie. You may be familiar with her – she’s quite a big deal in the self-development community – or you may not. In which case, listen up. It’s a great little technique to have in your backpocket as a life raft for when you’re drowning, and you really want to swim to shore.

Her method is called The Work. And at the core of it is something called the 4 questions. Its basic premise is that all suffering (or joy) stems from believing your thoughts. So for instance, if your thought is: “My Mom never loved me.” you’re likely to be pretty bummed out about that in your life, with a trail of possible negative implications. If on the other hand, your thought is: “My Mom did the best she could.”, your experience of her and consequently of life is going to look quite a bit different. What we relate to in life is not the truth, but thoughts about what’s going on. And so, if you can become aware of the fact that your thoughts are not the truth, you can find a hell of a lot of freedom from painful experiences, and even turn them upside down, by replacing them with new, more useful thoughts (which are also not the truth – but hey, if you’re gonna make up stories anyway, they might as well help you not hurt you).

Now what I love about this technique, is that even though it’s not easy to actually divorce your thoughts from the truth (when they’re yours, painful thoughts won’t occur to you as thoughts, they’ll occur to you as the truth), it’s a very concise exercise that, if you choose to persist, will give you a breakthrough in freedom and joy. I’ve applied it many times and it never ceases to amaze me at how effective it is in turning misery into possibility.

Now here’s how it goes: You pick a statement. Any statement you want to work on. The statement is a negative thought about something in your life that is causing you suffering. Then, you subject that statement to the following 4 questions:

1. Is it true?
2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
4. Who would you be without the thought?

Then, when you come to the end, you use what she calls “The Turnaround”. You take your original thought statement and turn it around to mean its opposite. Then you proceed to find evidence for that.

For instance – let me put myself on the chopping block here – one of the issues in my life right now that’s causing me a great amount of stress is the fact that I feel like I’m not capitalizing on my potential. In the eyes of others it may look like I’m doing ok. But I’ve got a lot of big expectations for myself. And I’m clear beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I’m not meeting those. And it makes me feel depressed, confused, and anxious as to why not.

So the thought that is causing me suffering, and hence my statement is: “I am not living up to the vision I have for myself.”

Now let’s subject that to the 4 questions.

Question #1: Is that true?
My Answer: Yes. (Whereas the objective of the exercise is to be able to see that this is not necessarily the case, you have to be honest while answering the questions. And for me, my statement feels as true as the reality that I have 2 legs.)

Question #2: Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
My Answer: No. Not absolutely. I guess there’s room for doubt. In fact, it could be that perhaps I am living up to the vision I have for myself, except the process of it – the way I’m achieving it – looks different than I imagined it would.

Huh! Little bit of relief happening already… I could be living up to the vision I have for myself!

Question #3: How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
My Answer: When I believe that I’m not living up to the vision I have for myself, I feel like a failure. I’m embarrassed about not being the person I feel like I should be. And so I hide what’s really going on and pretend everything’s fine. Which makes me feel like a fraud. I’m also confused as to why I’m not living up to the vision I have for myself. I worry about whether I might have been mistaken about myself and my capabilities all along, and I get panicked. That in turn spurs me into action to reach my goals, however in a compulsive, joyless, and fretful way. 

That depress you enough – lol?

Question #4: Now, who would you be without that thought?
My Answer: Without the thought “I’m not living up to the vision I have for myself” I’d be relaxed, patient, and trustful of the process of what it takes to fully become the person I’m meant to be. I’d be compassionate when it seems like I may be off-track. I’d gently and calmly correct my course. And I’d be proud of myself when I’m successful. Being a great person is nothing to sneeze at! And it’s only natural that it takes time, freedom to explore, compassion, and reward to make that vision happen.

Sigh! Relief seeping through!

Then, finally, the Turnaround:

“I am fulfilling the vision I have for myself.”

Evidence for that? I have good intentions. I am doing work on a daily basis to further this vision. I am putting myself into hard situations that force growth. I take risks.

I don’t know if the above example elucidated much for you. I hope it has, cause it really took a bunch of balls for me to write about it, but in the end, it’s a very personal, experiential exercise. It’s really something you can only truly get if you go through it yourself, with your own situations. And even then, it may take some time for it all to start making sense.

For more examples of how it works in practice, check out Byron Katie’s website. It’s filled with video examples in which she coaches her clients through various beliefs using this technique. 

Admittedly, for me, this hasn’t been miracle cure. My week stayed pretty dark in spite of using this technique quite a few times. However, the moments where it worked and light all of a sudden came pouring through – even if it just lasted for a few hours – were completely priceless, as some of you with a penchant for doom and gloom I’m sure will appreciate.

If you decide to try it, I’d be curious to find out how it worked for you. If it did the same for you as it did for me, nothing at all, or something entirely different.